WheelSpin Cars

Firstly, let’s get it out of the way…the Alfa Romeo Stelvio is an unbelievably good looking car as SUV type vehicles go. No one can deny that. And I’ve quickly fallen in love.

However, these supermodel looks do not come without the standard caveat of quirks and kinks that can only be attributed to the Italians.

The infotainment system, although responsive, isn’t the easiest to navigate and makes it a faff to do the simplest tasks, like swapping to and from radio bands and then to connect Bluetooth devices. The built in Navigation system makes McLaren’s look like the newest shiniest TomTom you can get your mitts on from Halfrauds. You’ve passed your turn off 3 seconds before the arrow on the screen catches up.

The automatic gearbox is half-woeful, and half-genius: using first to set off and second gear to pootle around city streets make you acutely aware of the loud unrefined 2.2 diesel powerplant dragging you around town. But, slipping it into third and fourth give a smooth experience even Lindt chocolatiers would be envious of. And reverse gear is as elusive as a mother-in-law in John Lewis: you request it once, maybe twice, as it dissipates before your eyes before you hammer it home for a third time lucky. You probably won’t find much use for the highest gear on the 8 speed box, unless you’re cruising on motorways at or about the speed limit. And even then, 8th is simply gutless. But pop the gearstick to the left an inch, to manually operate the gears via the steering column mounted paddle shifters and 8th gains an alter ego and seems to gain enough torque to overtake and shame the X3 driver hogging the middle lane, who’ll wish they’d gone Italian instead.

These annoyances pale in comparison to the special feeling the Stelvio gives you when driving it. Even the dirty diesel gives you the fizz and it’s the most connected I’ve ever felt with an SUV, and that’s big praise and hard to come by in any body shape, let alone a near-1700kg mile-muncher.

Given my time again, I’d certainly opt for a petrol variant, with AR offering up a brace of 2 litre four pots offering up to 280bhp and money being no object, the full-fat Quadrifoglio with its knee-weakening V6 giving your right foot upwards of 500bhp. The diesel doesn’t quite leave you longing with fuel economy averaging 36mpg; not bad for a small brute but if the purse strings allow, opt for the petrol as the experience will far outstrip the poorer economy.

As SUV’s go, the handling on the Stelvio is superb, feeling more like a high-sided Giulia, and spanking the Jaguar E-Pace and Range Rover Sport as tested; the comparative lack of body roll and cornering ability blitzes both, leaving both in the dust on a windy road. A Quadrifoglio vs SVR test would be interesting.

The drive-mode selector here comes in the form of a DNA dial; Dynamic, giving you all the drama and excitement you need. Natural, or comfort, is for your school run and weekly shop, where tranquility is the aim of the game. Advanced Efficiency supposedly saves you fuel but you’ll struggle to get out of trouble quickly if you misjudge a gap at a roundabout.

With regards to price, starting well within the late thirty thousands, it doesn’t come especially cheap, and the Quadrifoglio will set you back just shy of double that of the non-performance marques. The latter can also be had for cheaper than German rivals namely the X3 and Q5, and is arguably as mechanically sound as an E-Pace (not a compliment of either model!) and significantly cheaper than a Macan. And it’s a darn sight better looking than the lot of them.

The Alfa certainly wouldn’t be my option for any sort of real off-road travel, and that’s a compliment, because the side-bumper mounted number plate adjacent to that famous grille make a great centre piece on a driveway. However, if you did feel inclined to frequent your local football field (and that’s all I’d risk the Stelvio off-road) you’d find a tasty RWD biased Q4 AWD system which only engages the front axle at 50% power when lacking grip.

Speaking of the paddle shifters being column mounted, and so do not move when you turn the wheel, which is a only pain in the posterior when you’re getting on and cornering and need a quick gear change. That being said, to make up for this, the paddles are HUGE, so you can always find them easily, and resemble angel wings, which is fitting, because that’s just what the Stelvio is.

(not so) Bonus Point: the parcel shelf doesn’t even cover a third of the boot, revealing the dead body you’re transporting for the world to see…what’s that all about.

James Carver ©️ 2021 all rights reserved.